TODAY SUCKS. . .
my
deardear and i had an argument.
over one
trival misunderstanding.
i was in macs with my
frens at that time.
den my
deardear called me.
it was damned bloody noisy at my side.
so i sometimes cannot hear
wat she is talking.
the root of the prob was when she asked me whether i had lunch
alr anot?
i said nope.
den she said she also
havent yet.
BUT,
I FUCKING HEARD WRONGLY!!!
she asked me whether i smoked today,
and i said nope.
WTF!!
den after talking for awhile,
she asked me whether i eaten
alr anot?
that moment i was
abit puzzled..
coz i was wondering why is my
deardear asking me the same
qn twice.after that, she asked me how i spent my money.
i mentioned that i bought a pack of
cigs on
monday night with
daniel.
i took 2 sticks on that night and 2 sticks today.
my
deardear was sharp, she noticed the flaw and countered that i told her i never smoke today.
den i
kena stunned. because i cannot recall whether i really said
tt anot.
den she sounded disappointed and hung up the phone.
fuck.
i tried to
rembr our conversation and realise she must have asked me but i heard wrongly or something.
cb la. my world came crashing down at that moment.
both of us were down and out.
i spent time alone at
serangoon. thinking away..
bought a pack of
cigs(but only smoked 2),
carlsberg and
greentea.
i really had to b alone.
if i hang out with my
frens, i will just b like a bomb.
so i rather keep to myself for the time being.
after smoking, i slashed my arm.
the pain really made me alive and angrier den before.
i vented my anger on the
firehose door.
one punch and it broke... the smashing of the glass satisfied me i guess...
i had mixed emotions, anger,sadness,loneliness and i missed her.
after the anger died down, the waves of sadness suddenly came crashing in.
i wanted to cry out, but i kept telling myself to control.
cb, which fucker told me that girls are more emotional?
after some clarifications with my
deardear,
everything is alright now i guess,hopefully.
but through and through, it is still my fault.
I AM SORRY DEAR.CAN U FORGIVE ME?
i hope this nightmare will end. i realise how
impt she is to me.
my emotions are evoked and
manipulated easily by her.
i am angry at myself because of her.
i am sad when she is away from my embrace.
i am jealous sometimes i admit.
i am heartbroken over some teasing from her even though it is mere tease.
i really cannot live without her, my life will b pointless. every morning, my day starts with her voice. everyday, i look forward to meeting her.every night, i am thinking of the good times we have and wat the next day is going to offer for the both of us.
she is the first girl i have gone through alot with.
she is the first girl tt i made the most sacrifices to, the most attention and commitment and love to. she is my life. and i will be damned if someone comes over to snatch her away or bully her.
i think if that day comes, i will fucking kill that bastard or bitch.
i love u deardear.
sorry about today.
=D
posted @ 12:40 AM
